Stupor-sized

Wow. It has been a while since I have posted anything interesting. It seems like we are in a fog or dare I say… stupor. Just for you, this installment of the “How much can I bore you today?” blog will be EXTRA LARGE!

stu·por (stū'pər, styū'-) n.
1. A state of reduced or suspended sensibility.
2. A state of mental numbness, as that resulting from shock; a daze.

The first stuporific incident I take full credit/blame, for. On Saturday, Dan and I went to Burlington to see a movie. (It was Mission Impossible III, and Tom Cruise was seen running in it, over and over again, but this is not the stupor that I am at fault for.) Usually when we return home we have our two big boy cats that run to greet us at the door. Well, Wilson does if it is dinner time, but Cubbie always does. Cubbie didn’t show up. Dan and I thought that was weird. We went all over the whole house calling him and Cubbie was still a no-show. I decided that Dan must have left Cubbie outside this entire time in the rain because he didn’t let him in before we left. I was down right mad. How could he do this? What kind of neglectful father is he going to be? What if our social worker found out we can’t even take care of our cats? Oh boy, Dan is in for a VERY long night with my laser-sharp guilt-trip glare set well beyond stun mode. It was cold, dark, rainy, and I was putting on my warm coat to look for our poor Golden Boy shivering out in the cold when I hear Dan yell, “I found him!”

Dan did find him. Cubbie was locked in my closet and had been since I apparently closed the door on him. Whoops! Man, that cat is tricky. I SWEAR it could have happened to anyone.

The second stupor-filled gem is all Dan. Saturday night we went to sleep all happy because it was still the weekend and I had turned off my special super-hero laser glare and Dan had very kindly not given me his special super-hero “You’re a #*$& disaster” glare. I think I slept really well that night; I didn’t have to get up to get any water or go to the bathroom so for me it was a really good night. When I woke up after sleeping in, I got out of bed and was heading out the door when I heard Dan roll over and say, “There was religion on.” That made me laugh so I said, “What the #*$& are you talking about.” He then proceeds to tell me how he woke up at 6:00, went downstairs, fed the cats, turned on the television and then realized that the news wasn’t on. It was… religion. Dan thought to himself, this can’t be right. What is wrong with the *$@$& tv? Why isn’t the news on? I am sure at this point Dan was hearing the Twilight Zone music in his head as he turned on the computer and then finally realized that it was not Monday, but Sunday (hence the religion) and went back to bed.

I think if he hadn’t tried to watch the news I am POSITIVE he would have made it all the way to work before he had his revelation. I of course called him a God@%*& idiot.


Note from the editor: Please forgive me for all the @%^&$ swearing. I only report the truth no matter how… gritty. Yes gritty, that’s what it is; it is NOT what my mom calls, “uncouth,” it is just hard hitting journalism. Sorry Mom, Happy Early Mother's Day!

un·couth (ŭn-kūth') adj.
1. Crude; unrefined.
2. Awkward or clumsy; ungraceful.
3. Archaic. Foreign; unfamiliar.